"rear-ended"

The first that I catch laughing will end up in the water next time he or she sails with me.

Over the past week, I experienced rectal bleeding + a very painful bathroom experience. Of course, every single doctor that sees me right now is paranoid and I was prepared for a "we therefore must remove your left leg and scan you right ear" type treatment. Fortunately, my primary care doctor seems to be keeping a cold head and she decided to examine me before sending me to all sorts of expensive tests.

Turns out that I have a "Fissure". Love it that they use all these French names. My doc said "Fissure means a little crack". Yes thanks, I know this. Fissure is French for "a little crack". This means an open cut, fairly long and wide in size, hence the pain and the bleeding...So I need to take prescription suppositories (no laughing I said!!!) for 1-2 MONTHS to reduce the inflammation and help it heal. It should get better after that...It apparently takes forever to heal because any bowel movement re-opens the wound. She said that in my case, it will be important to make sure that any bleeding that's no cancer-related is treated as fast as possible to make sure that cancer symptoms can be picked up fast. I guess that this means that two months is "as far as possible" ;-)

I asked her what my have caused this - she said "we don't know". Brilliant. Cuts just happens naturally of course. (and no laughing please, none of my habits, even the ones I don't talk about on this blog, could have led to anything like this).

The problem with this thing is that it is really painful and since no one knows why it's there in the first place, it also comes back with some regularity. So apparently for a small number of people, the only cure is surgery. Aaaaah, now we're talking. Surgery definitely seems to be the solution to most of my problems lately.

So anyway, I'll give you an update in a couple of months or so...

Who did I just hear laugh????