Getting Ready For The Hospital
Two people (my therapist and a friend) have suggested another theory, not the control freak one. This also got me thinking.
If I am to pick a name for this new theory, I think that "Denial" would fit quite well.
Here are pieces of evidence scattered around the place that seem to support this theory.
- I seem to be wanting to justify the fact that the magnitude of the problem is small
- I seem to be putting off decisions, and hoping that they are made for me (eg, trachelectomy without clear margins would shut down Option 2)
- I seem to desperately identify reasons why Option 2 is not risky (why would doctors be willing to pursue a course that entailed significant danger)
- I push back any "definitive" treatment to the last minute (Oncologists telling me that my cervix had to go now and my asking if it would be possible to wait through a pregnancy. We did not continue down that path after they replied that it would be suicidal. Or my choosing the later surgery date for the trachelectomy on the emotional grounds of keeping my cervix a bit longer - Hey, I care about my cervix!!)
- The fact that I am making frequent appeals to authority (various articles and studies I keep looking at) could mean that I just want to defer to others when it comes to decisions
- I am making constant requests for input, advice and support - and if I were a control-freak, I would display a solid/self-confident facade
These people noticed that I seem to be trying to take the minimum action possible (I feel that I have been quote proactive...) which would suggest denial, avoidance and self-deception more than control-freak. I guess that this is something else that I will ponder over. It feels strange to deny a reality by telling everyone about it...
On another note, I have been referred to a neurologist to investigate some headaches that I have been having for a little while and which don't seem to be linked to any medication
Before I head out to the hospital, I have to:
- Get some boat stuff ready so that the crew can keep going and get ready for the next event
- Do some ironing which I didn't finish last night. Better have some bed linen ready for my "guests"
- Go through my mail (medical bills for the most part...)
- Do some grocery shopping that I don't have an empty fridge when people turn up. Would be really bad for the reputation of the French
- Call the hospital to find out about the exact time of the surgery and call my "chauffeur" to let her know
- Feed the cats a nice pile of wet food to celebrate their 3-day emancipation
- Prepare 10 pieces of paper with numbers from 0 to 10 written on them so I can display the pain level evidently on the bed. Will save me from having to answer their questions all the time.
Thank you for all the good thoughts, prayers and support that you have been sending me! I feel so spoiled! I will take all of this with me to the hospital!
I was asked about entertainment options by my "home helpers"
"- I don't have TV but I have a computer/video projector and DVDs + a Netflix subscription. Feel free to bring your favorite movie if you like Tom Cruise.
- I have a ton of CDs and an iPod. Feel free to bring CDs/iPod/iPhone if you believe that my taste is a bit odd...
- I have a pack of cards and a few games, including juggling equipment...Feel free to bring your own if you actually want to win
- The cats are professional entertainers. Feel free to bring a mouse or a dog as designated volunteers
- I have books, magazines and comics (well, not very many) but feel free to bring a copy of The New Yorker as I don't have the latest issue
- I will have drinks (esp. wine) but feel free to bring any of the most current substances
- I have a piano if you are so inclined but feel free to bring a set of drums if the neighbors are annoying to you
- I have a phone if you'd like to chat with someone else after you realize that it's impossible to have a serious conversation with me
If you are still bored after all of the above, we can come up with random indispensable tasks such as measuring the perimeter of my living-room with teaspoons."
Cats have food and water. I have some clothes on. Ready to go.
And frankly this "you need to have someone with you for 24hr for a week after you get home" sounds like cheap outsourcing to me. If I need 24hr care, shouldn't I be in the hospital? The only requirement for these home nursing people is to be able to make a phone call. I am sure that we can find hospital staff to do that.
Talk to you whenever I get an Internet connection going again. God bless.
If I am to pick a name for this new theory, I think that "Denial" would fit quite well.
Here are pieces of evidence scattered around the place that seem to support this theory.
- I seem to be wanting to justify the fact that the magnitude of the problem is small
- I seem to be putting off decisions, and hoping that they are made for me (eg, trachelectomy without clear margins would shut down Option 2)
- I seem to desperately identify reasons why Option 2 is not risky (why would doctors be willing to pursue a course that entailed significant danger)
- I push back any "definitive" treatment to the last minute (Oncologists telling me that my cervix had to go now and my asking if it would be possible to wait through a pregnancy. We did not continue down that path after they replied that it would be suicidal. Or my choosing the later surgery date for the trachelectomy on the emotional grounds of keeping my cervix a bit longer - Hey, I care about my cervix!!)
- The fact that I am making frequent appeals to authority (various articles and studies I keep looking at) could mean that I just want to defer to others when it comes to decisions
- I am making constant requests for input, advice and support - and if I were a control-freak, I would display a solid/self-confident facade
These people noticed that I seem to be trying to take the minimum action possible (I feel that I have been quote proactive...) which would suggest denial, avoidance and self-deception more than control-freak. I guess that this is something else that I will ponder over. It feels strange to deny a reality by telling everyone about it...
On another note, I have been referred to a neurologist to investigate some headaches that I have been having for a little while and which don't seem to be linked to any medication
Before I head out to the hospital, I have to:
- Get some boat stuff ready so that the crew can keep going and get ready for the next event
- Do some ironing which I didn't finish last night. Better have some bed linen ready for my "guests"
- Go through my mail (medical bills for the most part...)
- Do some grocery shopping that I don't have an empty fridge when people turn up. Would be really bad for the reputation of the French
- Call the hospital to find out about the exact time of the surgery and call my "chauffeur" to let her know
- Feed the cats a nice pile of wet food to celebrate their 3-day emancipation
- Prepare 10 pieces of paper with numbers from 0 to 10 written on them so I can display the pain level evidently on the bed. Will save me from having to answer their questions all the time.
Thank you for all the good thoughts, prayers and support that you have been sending me! I feel so spoiled! I will take all of this with me to the hospital!
I was asked about entertainment options by my "home helpers"
"- I don't have TV but I have a computer/video projector and DVDs + a Netflix subscription. Feel free to bring your favorite movie if you like Tom Cruise.
- I have a ton of CDs and an iPod. Feel free to bring CDs/iPod/iPhone if you believe that my taste is a bit odd...
- I have a pack of cards and a few games, including juggling equipment...Feel free to bring your own if you actually want to win
- The cats are professional entertainers. Feel free to bring a mouse or a dog as designated volunteers
- I have books, magazines and comics (well, not very many) but feel free to bring a copy of The New Yorker as I don't have the latest issue
- I will have drinks (esp. wine) but feel free to bring any of the most current substances
- I have a piano if you are so inclined but feel free to bring a set of drums if the neighbors are annoying to you
- I have a phone if you'd like to chat with someone else after you realize that it's impossible to have a serious conversation with me
If you are still bored after all of the above, we can come up with random indispensable tasks such as measuring the perimeter of my living-room with teaspoons."
Cats have food and water. I have some clothes on. Ready to go.
And frankly this "you need to have someone with you for 24hr for a week after you get home" sounds like cheap outsourcing to me. If I need 24hr care, shouldn't I be in the hospital? The only requirement for these home nursing people is to be able to make a phone call. I am sure that we can find hospital staff to do that.
Talk to you whenever I get an Internet connection going again. God bless.
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